Breastfeeding in Public: It's None of Your Damn Business

Have you guys heard about the woman who breastfed during her college graduation ceremony and had a photo taken while nursing?

You can read about it here if you haven't yet:

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5474420

So here's the deal:

WHO FUCKING CARES?!

This woman is (in my opinion) an inspiration:

1. A single mother

2. Gave birth one week into her final semester is college

3. Continued and finished school

4. Graduated with a Bachelors degree

5. Is able to breastfeed her child

Please give me one reason why this hardworking woman should NOT be able to FEED HER BABY WHO IS HUNGRY anywhere she damn well pleases?

Oh, you say she should cover up? Use a nursing cover? Do you know that this graduation was in California and in JUNE?! Who the hell would want to have on a cover (in addition to a graduation gown!) in that kind of heat? Furthermore, what baby would want their face covered up in that kind of heat?

Oh, she should have just gone to the bathroom? GROSS. Let me see you go have a bite to eat in the same place where people take a crap. Go on.

Oh, a graduation ceremony just isn't the time or place for breastfeeding? So her baby should just starve and scream her head off during the ceremony? That's better. Oh, she should've just given her a bottle. Pause.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BREASTFEED?

1. Sometimes it takes weeks, nay, MONTHS to become comfortable and successful. 

2. Some moms have to pump EVERY 2 HOURS to keep up a supply. That includes during the night.

3. Giving a breastfed baby a bottle can (but not always in some cases) deter a baby from taking the breast and even lower the mothers supply. 

This mother has studied her ass off, grown a baby, pushed a baby out of her vagina (or had a cesarean, but that's neither here nor there), worked hard at feeding her baby, ALL ON HER FUCKING OWN. Oh, and GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE. And people have the audacity to comment on her photo - HER PROUDEST MOMENT OF HER LIFE - to say that she was "wrong" and a "ho."

Here are some tips for anyone who is "uncomfortable" with public breastfeeding:

1. It's none of your damn business

2. Don't look

3. That mom doesn't want to know what you think about it unless it's something along the lines of, "You're a good mom."

I only breastfed my daughter for 3 weeks. Kind of. And never in public. BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO BE DAMNED IF YOU THINK I WILL NOT STICK UP FOR THOSE WOMEN THAT CAN AND DO.

Floppity-flop-flop

So, last Friday I posted that:

YAY WE ARE TOTALLY GOING TO USE THIS BLOG AS A VENUE TO SHARE OUR WOMAN STORIES AND CHANGE THE WORLD. 

Yeah. 

I didn't receive a single story (except for the 2 that are comments on my original post - HOLLA LADIES!).

Lesson:

It takes a lot to change the world. To change society's ways of thinking. 

But I do feel like I reached a few people by sharing my own stories. And I know that it's hard to tell your stories, even the small ones. I know that it may feel like your story doesn't "measure up" unless you were raped or worse. BUT YOUR STORIES DO MATTER. All of them. 

Just know that if your story made your feel vulnerable or uncomfortable or confused - those are valid feelings. You don't have to feel as if you have no right to feel that way because your story "isn't that bad." 

Anyway, as the #YesAllWomen train is dying down, don't forget what the point is: You matter. We matter. 

Share Your Stories

Hi Readers!

The #YesAllWomen movement has really touched me.  The point of the movement (that’s what I’m calling it now…because, hello?!) is to show people (men and women, alike) that #YesAllWomen are faced with misogyny at some point, in some way. That #YesAllWomen fear the possibility of sexual violence. #YesAllWomen have a story. #YesAllWomen have stories that MATTER.

In my last post, I shared a few stories from my own life. These are memories that I wish I didn’t have. No, I have not been a victim of a larger sexual crime. But that’s not the point. The point is, that no matter how “small” a story may seem, it’s not small. It’s HUGE. All of the instances of women being made to feel as if they owe a man their body, the butt-pinching, the guilt-trips for saying “no,” the harassment for having big boobs (or small boobs) matter. They all matter. Every single one.

So here’s my proposal:

What if we shared our stories with one another? With the world? What if we told our stories and had supportive friends there to tell us, “hey! That’s bullshit!” What if we put our stories out there and let society know that words hurt, that sexual advances are not always welcome, that a slap on the ass isn’t a compliment? What if we shared the small stories and the big stories so that everyone can see that the behavior shouldn’t be considered “normal?” What if these stories helped someone? WHAT IF?

I am teaming up with FUSE (Feminism, Unity, Strength (in numbers), and Equality) to get these stories out in the open and create a new awareness. FUSE is a group dedicated to “empower[ing] women to control and enrich their lives by establishing an online presence to educate and organize…where open dialogue is encouraged and each…contribution is valued. To evolve[ing] from patriarchy so equality and independence thrive.” I couldn’t ask for a better group to host these stories. I just know that the amount of support and unity will be overwhelming. You should totally go “like” their facebook page, We Are FUSE.

I will be posting new stories (anonymous or not!) to my blog each Friday (“Feminist Fridays,” HOLLA!). Please feel free to submit any, I mean ANY, stories that are relevant. Remember: EVERY STORY MATTERS. You matter. Your feelings matter.

Please submit your stories to:confessionsofawannabeshare@gmail.com

 

#YesAllWomen

This is important. So very, very important. 

Did you know that misogyny is so ingrained in our society that some women may not even know when they are being mistreated as a sexual object? It's so common that it's seen as normal when a man treats a woman badly upon her rejection of his advances. It's so rampant that until recently, I didn't even realize that I had been a victim myself. #YesAllWomen are constantly threatened with male violence. #YesAllWomen are affected by misogyny. 

I've decided to share my stories. You know, there are probably more than I can remember, more than I can count. These are going to be blunt and to the point. So sue me. I feel obligated to share my experiences. In light of the death of the great Maya Angelou, I feel that now that I know better, I must do better. Now that I have a daughter, I want her to know that it is her absolute and positive RIGHT stand up in the face of misogyny.

Here are my #YesAllWomen moments:

- I was 13 years old. A family member threw ice down the front of my shirt...then retrieved it with his bare hands. I just told my mom about it last month. I'm 26.

- In 9th grade, a male friend pinched my butt outside the school, in front of the bus loading zone. I told him to knock it off. He "didn't mean anything by it."

- In 10th grade, I was at a beach party with my friends. The guys yelled at my friend and I to "show us your boobs!" My friend did it. I didn't. I was a "loser."

- In 11th grade, I lied to my parents and stayed the night at a friends' house with my boyfriend, his friend and my friend. It was my boyfriend's birthday. He "wanted to see boobs." I chickened out. My friend didn't. My boyfriend got mad at me and thought it was "stupid" that I was angry with my friend. 

- At the end of 12th grade, I was still a virgin. My boyfriend asked if he could "just put it in for a second." I said no. He got mad at me and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night.

- In my sophomore year of college, I started hanging out with a friend from high school. One day, he asked me out. I told him no, I only think of him as a friend. He told me that "the best relationships start with friendship." I said no again. He called me a "bitch." We never spoke again.

These are just a few scenarios. I'm sure that there were more, and I'm sure other women have experienced much worse. But the main point is:

#YESALLWOMEN 

What's your story?

Avery is 11 Months Old!

So, next month Avery will be A YEAR OLD. Um...WHAT?!

As far as the next month goes...we are planning on having just a small birthday party at our home with family and some cake. Avery doesn't need much more than that. From us, Avery will be getting a  10 day punch card for Bounce in Hartland, where she can participate in "preschool playtime," using all of the gymnastics equipment they have there. She's going to LOVE it.

Here's a little update on our sweet pea:

She's still a peanut (with a big belly, lol) : 9 month clothing fits her just fine, thankyouverymuch.

6 teeth...and counting. Oh, and are those sharp little buggers. She's bitten a few times...not in anger though. I think she uses her teeth to help her stand sometimes...or something. 

WE HAVE A (kinda) WALKER. Avery has (on numerous occasions) taken up to 4 steps at a time. She still thinks crawling is faster, and for her, it is.

She doesn't want her diaper changed, no way, no how. It takes 2 people most times. Yesterday, she caused a scene in the Costco bathroom...let's just say it involved a bare shitty ass on the changing table. It wasn't pretty.

Bath time is still the best! Avery got some new toys for the bath and just loves to play in the water!

She's a really good eater. If we go out, the waiters are always shocked at how much this kid can put away.

Favorite snack: seaweed. Yes, seaweed. Look, I didn't know it would be a thing. It's weird. She LOVES it.

Still sharing the bed with mommy and daddy. I think dad is getting tired of it, but as much as I don't enjoy Avery being restless during the night, I love her snuggles even more.

We're down to 2 babas a day - one in the morning and one at night. Occasionally she will take a bottle midday, but not often, and it's not a formula one, but almond milk.

Avery says, "mama," "didi (dada)," and shakes her head "no" when she doesn't want something or when she knows we are telling her "no." (She's been doing that for a while now, though)

Avery loves to dance!

Disney Jr. Is her fave channel: Doc McStuffins, Sofia the First, and Sheriff Callie's Wild West are her favorite shows.

She loves her books (just like mommy)!

Her hair keeps getting thicker and curlier by the day.

Avery has some cool new kicks (Nikes) that daddy bought her last weekend! She loves standing with them on.

And Avery had her very first pedicure this weekend: pretty pink little toesies!

I think that's all the updates on our big, beautiful girl!

 

Avery is 10 Months Old!

Avery turned 10 months old yesterday and I can't believe it...she will be ONE YEAR OLD IN 2 MONTHS.

We have a one-legged-speed crawler on our hands...she's super quick and super naughty.

Avery loves the remote control (not the one that doesn't have batteries that we have her to play with) and when we take that away, she knows where other various remote controls are located and just goes to get those.

Avery's favorite room in the house is the bathroom! There are so so many things to do in there: flush the toilet, unroll the toilet paper, almost pull the over-the-toilet shelf thing on top of her...you know, fun stuff.

Pads and tampons (not used, duh) are fascinating toys! Just about every morning Avery dumps the boxes out on the floor to "sort."

Changing tables, jackets, boots, hats, gloves, clothes and diapers in general are the devil. Avery would just rather not.

Avery's room is used so little (never) that it is currently a holding cell for bins of stuff she has outgrown and her clean clothes that have not yet been put away. 

Still bed sharing.

Avery LOVES water. She loves to drink it, splash it, poop in it, all the things.

Avery says, "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA." It's in all caps because she only yells it at me. And her dad. 

Avery is a pre-gymnast. She throws herself back and starts kicking her legs over to flip. She will be receiving a "preschool playtime" gymnastics 10 class punch card for her birthday.

Avery loves to terrorize her brother, Auto. He's still scared of her/hoping she will be moving out soon, so she decided that chasing him around and giving him near heart attacks on a daily basis was a good idea.

She laughs at us when we tell her, "no." 

Avery gives really good kisses. She'll even slip you some tongue if you're lucky. And she likes to kiss babies. She actually just wants to collect all the babies. She was eyeing a newbie last night when we were out to eat. 

Still feeding herself all sorts of foods. Mostly bread at the moment. Oh and those gross squeezie fruit things. She likes those too. For now. A few days ago she only like black olives, so yeah.

Curly hair. 

Um, that's it I think.

Oh. And Avery does not like Abe Lincoln.

How To Relate to Your Newly Pregnant or New Mommy Friends (as told by a new mommy)

Here's a little lesson for all you clueless m-effers out there (who probably don't spend time reading this blog anyway):

1. Pregnancy is an exciting, terrifying and eye-opening experience! Do NOT belittle it with comments such as these: 

 (Guess what? I'm pregnant!!!)         "Cool."

(You'll never believe it! I'm pregnant!!!)

"I can't see you as a mom, but congrats!"

(I'm pregnant!!)

"(crickets)"

(Hey! We're having a baby!)

"Your life is over."

2. Realize that for some, having a family is part of the "plan." Just because someone's "plan" differs from your own does not make their "plan" any less important or ambitious as yours. 

3. If your first thought at someone's pregnancy announcement is, "what good are you now? We can't have fun anymore!" Chances are, you were never a very good friend to begin with. 

4. If you DO NOT have children and/or have not put a great deal of thought into having them, you DO NOT get to give out unwarranted "advice" or "tips." You just don't.

5. If a new mom is ASKING for advice, please give it...in a way that sounds like a suggestion so as not to offend her and her trials and tribulations as a new mother, and really only give it if you have any experience (even a teeny bit).

6. A new baby does not mean that a new mother will not want to hang out with her friends ever - please still invite her to hang! She is not dead, comatose, or a mute monk. She is still your friend.

7. A new baby does mean that a new mom may not want to see your face for 3 months after birthing said baby. It's not because she doesn't value your friendship, it's because she is tired, unshowered, walking around with her tits out and a baby dangling from them, and she just wants to watch Netflix all day. 

8. If a new mom is excited about her child and posting photos to social media all the time DO NOT write a status such as the following: 

"Seriously, if I see one more photo of a baby that just hiccupped or pooped for the first time, I'm gonna barf. No one cares about your kid like that! It's just as bad as posting a pic of every meal you eat!"

This type of behavior just indicates that you are: 

a. Single 

b. In a relationship with no kids

or 

c. A giant asshole

9. If you don't have anything nice to say (and you want to keep your child-bearing friends around) just smile and nod. A little cooing over baby pics occasionally won't hurt either.

10. Although yes, newly preggers and mothers alike love to be doted on and fussed over to some extent, it DOES NOT mean that it is expected or needed. However, a little excitement when your dear friend honors you with the gift of being a part of their child's life will go a long way in maintaining the friendship. 

The end.

Kisses - H.

Avery is 9 months old!

Avery has now been out in the world for (about) the same amount of time she was in my belly! And my, is she such a big girl!

We went to the pediatrician yesterday and our little girl is getting big!

17 lbs. 13.5 oz. (a little under the 50th percentile) and 28 (!!!) inches (75-90th percentile). She's our tall and skinny little one (but she still got some thunder thighs!). 

Avery is eating more now - she eat just about an entire serving of whatever we are having for dinner (or lunch or breakfast). She loves bread still and her fruit and loves to slurp noodles!

She's standing on her own more and more...I'm sure we will have a walker within the next few months.

Avery is now a skilled crawler - she can get places so quickly, we have to keep a close eye on her. Her favorite location in our house is the bathroom, where she likes to takes baths, sit in an empty bay to play with her bath toys and flush the toilet.

Avery also loves playing in mommy's closet!

She's going through a little "mommy only" phase right now - she has little interest in being with her daddy unless it's to cuddle right before she falls asleep on the couch. Daddy's not too happy with it, but I'm sure this will pass!

Avery LOVES water and drinks it all throughout the day from a sippy cup.

I think we have a little gymnast on our hands - Avery loves to be tossed around and flipped upside down!

The pointer finger has come out! Avery enjoys poking everything with her little finger. 

She (kinda) knows what 'no' means - Avery likes to touch things and when you tell her 'no' she stops, turns around clasping her hands together, smiles (and sometimes claps) then usually continues doing what she was not supposed to be doing. She's so darn cute though!

Avery likes to yell back at Auto when he barks.

She loves attention from anyone who will give it!

Avery has sprouted a top tooth...and now grinds her 3 little teeth together. It's a repulsive noise. We try to distract her with teethers...it doesn't work.

We are still bed sharing every night. Sometimes it's a little difficult because now Avery is kicking in her sleep instead of just tossing and turning, but I still love having her close at night.

I can't believe that we will have a one year old in 3 short months! Avery is so teeny still, it's hard to imagine! As of right now, we are just planning a day outing with the 3 of us and then cake with family later. Avery has everything she needs and wants right now so we don't feel the need to throw her a big party. We'd rather give her more experiences than toys she won't even play with at this point. 

After writing this, I can't even wait to get home and get some of those big, wet, tongue-kisses from our little girl!

The Lazy Mom

I'm a lazy mom and I'm not ashamed. 

Here's my lazy mom 101:

1. Cloth diapering: you never have to go to the store to buy diapers! Just wash the dirty ones and reuse. This lazy tidbit has a bonus: environmentally friendly! Who knew you could be lazy and a hippie too?!

2. Baby-led weaning: make dinner. Plop it on your kid's tray. Watch them scarf food. While you scarf food. No feeding baby spoonful by spoonful or making nasty purees! Just give 'em what everyone else is having!

3. Baby wearing: who has time to entertain a kiddo and cook dinner or wash clothes or frolic around at the same time? Slap your kid in a wrap or a sling and carry on with your business!

4. Go tubless: donate that baby tub! We used ours a total of maybe 3 times. Instead, Avery either showers with her daddy or takes a bath! I'm too lazy to control a wiggly kid in that little slippery tub - hey, you save water too by bathing together!

5. Bed-sharing: got a babe who wakes up all night? Too lazy to get up and soothe her? Just let her sleep in your bed (with caution, of course). Who doesn't love baby snuggles? I mean, sure you may wake up with a finger in your nose or little toesies in your back, but you didn't have to get out of bed, right? Right!

6. Less toys, more fun (for you): ok - those toys may be fun to buy, but does your kid really need that dollhouse or video game system before the age of 1? The answer is: NO. Also, do you really want to clean up all those crying baby dolls and video game controllers? I think not. Trust me, your kid will be just fine with a few wood blocks, a ball and a little toy car. Or just a box. Really.

7. Ditch the creams, ointments and lotions: ugh. Who has time to sort through all the different diaper creams, ointments and baby lotions out there? Not me. Also, I'm lazy. So I use coconut oil - for everything. Got a rashy kid? Coconut oil. Got a kid with a cut on their butt from scratching too much (this happened)? Coconut oil. Dry skinned kiddo? Coconut, beotches.

8. TV: so, this is your babysitter when you want to have the luxury of a shower. That's it. The only way a shower happens is if Blues Fucking Clues is playing. I don't know what the not-lazy mom does when she needs to shower, but the lazy mom DEFINITELY uses the TV.

9. Teething tablets: when those teefers are coming in, it could be the only thing that shuts your little one up. Also, pop 'em for restless babes too! So easy.

10. Do your research: this is the KEY to being a lazy mom. Research EVERYTHING. Do what works for your family. A lazy mom is one who is informed. You can't expect to know the tricks of you don't look them up! So do your research and don't just follow those "super moms" blindly!

Resol-what?

Resolutions. Ugh. Everyone makes them, almost no one follows through, myself included. Why? Why is it so hard to follow through with a resolution? I don't have an answer. Maybe it's because...what the hell is a resolution in terms of bettering yourself? 

According to the Miriam-Webster online dictionary:

Resolution

: the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict, problem, etc. : the act of resolving something

: an answer or solution to something

: the ability of a device to show an image clearly and with a lot of detail

Well, we can pretty much rule out the last definition, unless of course you are a device that made a resolution to improve your resolution. Erm.

The other two defs - hm. I guess of you think of it in terms of (for example) I'm overweight so my resolution is to work on losing weight by doing A, B and C...then that works.

Would we be more effective though if we welcomed each new year with a set of specific GOALS rather than a vague resolution? 

Probably not. But I'm gonna give it a go anyway.

My GOALS for 2014:

1. Adopt improved eating habits: why do we have to specifically label ourselves per the way we eat? "I'm a vegan," good for you! "I'm a vegetarian," go you! "I'm a pescatarian," aw so sad, you're not as good as those other folk, "omnivore, but paleo, of course," well la-dee-da. I'm done with that. Healthy eating. That's it for me. Now, my definition of healthy eating is probably different from someone else's, but that's ok. I'm not looking to be defined by my diet (but the wannabe part of me really envies those Vegans).

2. I'm not even putting working out on this list. Pfffft. Maybe I'll walk some. 

3. Take more photos! Whether it be of my own kid or scheduled sessions (which would be awwwwesome!), I just want to get some more practice.

4. Deep clean my house and keep up on the cleaning! This will involve my husband whether he likes it or not. I'm so sick of living in a cluster-fuck of clutter.

5. Work on updating our home. Or just buy a new one. 

6. Do more things as a family. Now that Avery is getting older, we can start planning some family adventures. 

7. Improving my relationship with my husband. I hope this is on his list too. Things have been so busy lately (which isn't really an excuse) and we've lost not only time to ourselves but time with each other. It would be nice to just get back into that happy/excited phase. We need to have more fun. And maybe put down the remote control and candy crush in the evenings. 

8. Read more books! Better yet - renew my damned library card so my kid and I can spend time in the library. It's been too long.

Those are my main goals for 2014 - did you set goals too or are you just sticking with the vague resolutions? No judgement here ;)