How To Relate to Your Newly Pregnant or New Mommy Friends (as told by a new mommy)

Here's a little lesson for all you clueless m-effers out there (who probably don't spend time reading this blog anyway):

1. Pregnancy is an exciting, terrifying and eye-opening experience! Do NOT belittle it with comments such as these: 

 (Guess what? I'm pregnant!!!)         "Cool."

(You'll never believe it! I'm pregnant!!!)

"I can't see you as a mom, but congrats!"

(I'm pregnant!!)

"(crickets)"

(Hey! We're having a baby!)

"Your life is over."

2. Realize that for some, having a family is part of the "plan." Just because someone's "plan" differs from your own does not make their "plan" any less important or ambitious as yours. 

3. If your first thought at someone's pregnancy announcement is, "what good are you now? We can't have fun anymore!" Chances are, you were never a very good friend to begin with. 

4. If you DO NOT have children and/or have not put a great deal of thought into having them, you DO NOT get to give out unwarranted "advice" or "tips." You just don't.

5. If a new mom is ASKING for advice, please give it...in a way that sounds like a suggestion so as not to offend her and her trials and tribulations as a new mother, and really only give it if you have any experience (even a teeny bit).

6. A new baby does not mean that a new mother will not want to hang out with her friends ever - please still invite her to hang! She is not dead, comatose, or a mute monk. She is still your friend.

7. A new baby does mean that a new mom may not want to see your face for 3 months after birthing said baby. It's not because she doesn't value your friendship, it's because she is tired, unshowered, walking around with her tits out and a baby dangling from them, and she just wants to watch Netflix all day. 

8. If a new mom is excited about her child and posting photos to social media all the time DO NOT write a status such as the following: 

"Seriously, if I see one more photo of a baby that just hiccupped or pooped for the first time, I'm gonna barf. No one cares about your kid like that! It's just as bad as posting a pic of every meal you eat!"

This type of behavior just indicates that you are: 

a. Single 

b. In a relationship with no kids

or 

c. A giant asshole

9. If you don't have anything nice to say (and you want to keep your child-bearing friends around) just smile and nod. A little cooing over baby pics occasionally won't hurt either.

10. Although yes, newly preggers and mothers alike love to be doted on and fussed over to some extent, it DOES NOT mean that it is expected or needed. However, a little excitement when your dear friend honors you with the gift of being a part of their child's life will go a long way in maintaining the friendship. 

The end.

Kisses - H.

Avery is 9 months old!

Avery has now been out in the world for (about) the same amount of time she was in my belly! And my, is she such a big girl!

We went to the pediatrician yesterday and our little girl is getting big!

17 lbs. 13.5 oz. (a little under the 50th percentile) and 28 (!!!) inches (75-90th percentile). She's our tall and skinny little one (but she still got some thunder thighs!). 

Avery is eating more now - she eat just about an entire serving of whatever we are having for dinner (or lunch or breakfast). She loves bread still and her fruit and loves to slurp noodles!

She's standing on her own more and more...I'm sure we will have a walker within the next few months.

Avery is now a skilled crawler - she can get places so quickly, we have to keep a close eye on her. Her favorite location in our house is the bathroom, where she likes to takes baths, sit in an empty bay to play with her bath toys and flush the toilet.

Avery also loves playing in mommy's closet!

She's going through a little "mommy only" phase right now - she has little interest in being with her daddy unless it's to cuddle right before she falls asleep on the couch. Daddy's not too happy with it, but I'm sure this will pass!

Avery LOVES water and drinks it all throughout the day from a sippy cup.

I think we have a little gymnast on our hands - Avery loves to be tossed around and flipped upside down!

The pointer finger has come out! Avery enjoys poking everything with her little finger. 

She (kinda) knows what 'no' means - Avery likes to touch things and when you tell her 'no' she stops, turns around clasping her hands together, smiles (and sometimes claps) then usually continues doing what she was not supposed to be doing. She's so darn cute though!

Avery likes to yell back at Auto when he barks.

She loves attention from anyone who will give it!

Avery has sprouted a top tooth...and now grinds her 3 little teeth together. It's a repulsive noise. We try to distract her with teethers...it doesn't work.

We are still bed sharing every night. Sometimes it's a little difficult because now Avery is kicking in her sleep instead of just tossing and turning, but I still love having her close at night.

I can't believe that we will have a one year old in 3 short months! Avery is so teeny still, it's hard to imagine! As of right now, we are just planning a day outing with the 3 of us and then cake with family later. Avery has everything she needs and wants right now so we don't feel the need to throw her a big party. We'd rather give her more experiences than toys she won't even play with at this point. 

After writing this, I can't even wait to get home and get some of those big, wet, tongue-kisses from our little girl!

The Lazy Mom

I'm a lazy mom and I'm not ashamed. 

Here's my lazy mom 101:

1. Cloth diapering: you never have to go to the store to buy diapers! Just wash the dirty ones and reuse. This lazy tidbit has a bonus: environmentally friendly! Who knew you could be lazy and a hippie too?!

2. Baby-led weaning: make dinner. Plop it on your kid's tray. Watch them scarf food. While you scarf food. No feeding baby spoonful by spoonful or making nasty purees! Just give 'em what everyone else is having!

3. Baby wearing: who has time to entertain a kiddo and cook dinner or wash clothes or frolic around at the same time? Slap your kid in a wrap or a sling and carry on with your business!

4. Go tubless: donate that baby tub! We used ours a total of maybe 3 times. Instead, Avery either showers with her daddy or takes a bath! I'm too lazy to control a wiggly kid in that little slippery tub - hey, you save water too by bathing together!

5. Bed-sharing: got a babe who wakes up all night? Too lazy to get up and soothe her? Just let her sleep in your bed (with caution, of course). Who doesn't love baby snuggles? I mean, sure you may wake up with a finger in your nose or little toesies in your back, but you didn't have to get out of bed, right? Right!

6. Less toys, more fun (for you): ok - those toys may be fun to buy, but does your kid really need that dollhouse or video game system before the age of 1? The answer is: NO. Also, do you really want to clean up all those crying baby dolls and video game controllers? I think not. Trust me, your kid will be just fine with a few wood blocks, a ball and a little toy car. Or just a box. Really.

7. Ditch the creams, ointments and lotions: ugh. Who has time to sort through all the different diaper creams, ointments and baby lotions out there? Not me. Also, I'm lazy. So I use coconut oil - for everything. Got a rashy kid? Coconut oil. Got a kid with a cut on their butt from scratching too much (this happened)? Coconut oil. Dry skinned kiddo? Coconut, beotches.

8. TV: so, this is your babysitter when you want to have the luxury of a shower. That's it. The only way a shower happens is if Blues Fucking Clues is playing. I don't know what the not-lazy mom does when she needs to shower, but the lazy mom DEFINITELY uses the TV.

9. Teething tablets: when those teefers are coming in, it could be the only thing that shuts your little one up. Also, pop 'em for restless babes too! So easy.

10. Do your research: this is the KEY to being a lazy mom. Research EVERYTHING. Do what works for your family. A lazy mom is one who is informed. You can't expect to know the tricks of you don't look them up! So do your research and don't just follow those "super moms" blindly!

Resol-what?

Resolutions. Ugh. Everyone makes them, almost no one follows through, myself included. Why? Why is it so hard to follow through with a resolution? I don't have an answer. Maybe it's because...what the hell is a resolution in terms of bettering yourself? 

According to the Miriam-Webster online dictionary:

Resolution

: the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict, problem, etc. : the act of resolving something

: an answer or solution to something

: the ability of a device to show an image clearly and with a lot of detail

Well, we can pretty much rule out the last definition, unless of course you are a device that made a resolution to improve your resolution. Erm.

The other two defs - hm. I guess of you think of it in terms of (for example) I'm overweight so my resolution is to work on losing weight by doing A, B and C...then that works.

Would we be more effective though if we welcomed each new year with a set of specific GOALS rather than a vague resolution? 

Probably not. But I'm gonna give it a go anyway.

My GOALS for 2014:

1. Adopt improved eating habits: why do we have to specifically label ourselves per the way we eat? "I'm a vegan," good for you! "I'm a vegetarian," go you! "I'm a pescatarian," aw so sad, you're not as good as those other folk, "omnivore, but paleo, of course," well la-dee-da. I'm done with that. Healthy eating. That's it for me. Now, my definition of healthy eating is probably different from someone else's, but that's ok. I'm not looking to be defined by my diet (but the wannabe part of me really envies those Vegans).

2. I'm not even putting working out on this list. Pfffft. Maybe I'll walk some. 

3. Take more photos! Whether it be of my own kid or scheduled sessions (which would be awwwwesome!), I just want to get some more practice.

4. Deep clean my house and keep up on the cleaning! This will involve my husband whether he likes it or not. I'm so sick of living in a cluster-fuck of clutter.

5. Work on updating our home. Or just buy a new one. 

6. Do more things as a family. Now that Avery is getting older, we can start planning some family adventures. 

7. Improving my relationship with my husband. I hope this is on his list too. Things have been so busy lately (which isn't really an excuse) and we've lost not only time to ourselves but time with each other. It would be nice to just get back into that happy/excited phase. We need to have more fun. And maybe put down the remote control and candy crush in the evenings. 

8. Read more books! Better yet - renew my damned library card so my kid and I can spend time in the library. It's been too long.

Those are my main goals for 2014 - did you set goals too or are you just sticking with the vague resolutions? No judgement here ;)