changing

I was going to write a post about my first post-partum period...and it got me thinking: is that appropriate? Should I really be sharing those kinds of things? Are people offended by the frankness with which I write my blog? Should I even worry about those things?

I may still write that post - I've decided it's a little too early to report on (although its going pretty well thankyouverymuch). Instead, those questions inspired a different post, this one.

Becoming a mom has changed me in so many ways: physically, mentally, spiritually. Before Avery was born, I kept telling myself, "don't let this baby make you crazy, don't let it change who you are." But she has, motherhood has, and not in a bad way. In a really good way. 

I'm going to write more posts about my postpartum body (and how it functions) because I'm comfortable with that. I want my daughter to be comfortable with that. If I'm not comfortable talking about my body (any body, really), then why would my daughter be? I want her to feel like she could ask me any question in the world and I wouldn't feel awkward giving her an answer. I want her to know that she has a right to know what is going on with her body as she grows up, to not feel ashamed in any way about the changes that are bound to come her way.

I'm going to speak my mind on important issues - if not me, who else? My thought process is this: if even just one more person (me) can speak up in the face of adversity, can it make a difference? Who's to say it can't? I want my daughter to stand up for what she believes in, educate herself on important issues and defend those well educated opinions. 

I'm going to love myself. This is a little difficult for me. I've struggled with this for a long time. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, "what a fat piece of shit." That thinking is unhealthy, unfair, and unwarranted. I'm fully aware of that. I don't want my daughter to EVER hear me insult myself or to even see a look of contempt toward myself on my face. I'm working on this. 

I'm going to be honest with my friends. I don't think I can just smile and nod any longer. You have a problem? Wanna talk about it? I will support my friends in every way I know how, but if they ask my opinion or advice, I'm gonna give it because who knows when it will be genuinely needed? Sometimes a smile and nod is appropriate. Other times you just have to tell the truth. I want my daughter to one day have as great a group of friends as I have been blessed with - to have a place to go and not be judged, where they will tell her the truth and expect the same in return.

I'm going to try to live more simply. Things are just things. We don't need all the stuff. I want my daughter to grow up in a household where experiences are cherished more than the things we have. I never want her to feel as if she has less or more than someone else. I want her to feel as if she has EVERYTHING because family is everything. 

I want to encourage acceptance in those around me. There is no need to shame anyone for being different. No need. Different is beautiful. I want my daughter to know that, to revel in it. 

I want my daughter to be a strong woman one day. A woman she can be proud of. I want to become that woman myself. I want to be who I want my daughter to be. I want to be a better version of myself. All for her. She is all that matters. 

It's all for her.