I had an OB appointment on Thursday and was diagnosed with preeclampsia - my blood pressures had been rising steadily for the past 2 weeks. Preeclampsia is no joke, even at 39 weeks gestational age, and when combined with my gestational diabetes and the fact that Avery hadn't been moving much that day, was enough for my doctor to send me straight to the hospital for an induction...which was definitely not part of my birth plan!
We left the doctors office with no bags ready (they were at home, mostly packed) and scared out of our minds. When I arrived at the hospital, I was met with kind words of encouragement and support as I was still hoping for a natural delivery. There were a few options for induction that my doctor was considering - cervadil and cytotec were 2 of them - and it was decided that I would be started on cervadil. Cervadil is a cervix ripening agent that looks like a tampon - it inserts into the cervix, releases its meds to work it's magic, then is taken out before pitocin is given to amp up contractions. After I got the news about the cervadil, I was told that I needed to be placed on magnesium sulfate as well - an IV drip that would help prevent seizures that could be caused by the preeclampsia (see? I said it was serious!) but that would also require me to be bed ridden for my entire labor and delivery. I began to have a slight meltdown at this point because nothing I had hoped for was happening. So I got the cervadil, and I got the magnesium, and I told them, no I would not like an epidural - I still wanted to try to keep this as natural as possible, I wanted to fully experience the birth of our little girl.
When the cervadil was inserted, I was only 1 cm dilated and 20% effaced, and Avery was still up pretty high (-2 station). Cervadil generally takes about 12 hours to work and only 10% of women can be set into labor with just that and no pitocin - I was one of the lucky ones. After an hour and a half with the cervadil, I was contracting for about a minute every minute, so needless to say, I didn't require pitocin to amp up my labor. And being hooked up to the magnesium already, I couldn't get out of bed to try any of the pain relief measures that I had practiced and researched for weeks. So I breathed through them. Then the back labor began soon after.
My back labor was so bad that I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. It had me begging for the epidural that I didn't want (during this crazy beginning, Seth wasn't even with me - he was at home getting our bags because we thought we would be waiting all night! I had to make the nurse call him at one point and tell him to get back to the hospital before I had the baby, and he was worried that he couldn't find my sports bra to pack!).
Before Seth returned, I had made the decision to get an epidural. I knew that if I didn't, I would never have the energy to labor while restricted to bed then push my baby girl out. The relief from the epidural was incredible and I was able to rest.
Until it wasn't.
My back labor grew to be so awful that it cut through my epidural - I could feel every bone wracking cramp and there was no relief at all. By the time I delivered (within about a 4 hour period) I had had 3 extra boluses of pain medication in my epidural. This was a far cry from the natural delivery that I had imagined and wanted, but I know that under the circumstances I was dealt, there was no better way for me to cope with the pain.
I tried to sit in a yoga childs pose to ease some of the pain as well, but my epidural and already swollen legs made me not be able to feel my feet and i needed to be flipped back over. I was promptly put on oxygen as the flip made me lightheaded and woozy and caused Averys heart rate to drop. At one point, my doctor thought that I could be ready to push - I had progressed so quickly that I was already 10 cm and completely effaced by 5 in the morning - so I tried. Avery was still not down far enough, so although those few pushes helped a bit, I was not at a point where I could push to my full strength. So I was given another bolus of meds to ease my pain (which didn't work well) and I tried to rest up for the real deal.
Finally I was feeling a real urge to push, but I still had immense back labor on top of that. So I pushed lying in bed on my side because I was in too much pain to move.
Seth helped me hold my leg up and I pushed with everything I had. The nurses tell me I only pushed for about 15 minutes, then our daughter was here. I don't remember that, but I do remember my sweet baby giving me one last kick to the gut even as her head was coming out!
Even though my birth experience didn't go even close to how it was planned, I'm thankful for it. I know I am strong, and I know that my body can do amazing things. My mind and will to fight for my daughter is strong as well - I was able to put aside my own selfish wants in order to make her entrance into the world as safe as possible.
I wouldn't change a thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment