How To Relate to Your Newly Pregnant or New Mommy Friends (as told by a new mommy)

Here's a little lesson for all you clueless m-effers out there (who probably don't spend time reading this blog anyway):

1. Pregnancy is an exciting, terrifying and eye-opening experience! Do NOT belittle it with comments such as these: 

 (Guess what? I'm pregnant!!!)         "Cool."

(You'll never believe it! I'm pregnant!!!)

"I can't see you as a mom, but congrats!"

(I'm pregnant!!)

"(crickets)"

(Hey! We're having a baby!)

"Your life is over."

2. Realize that for some, having a family is part of the "plan." Just because someone's "plan" differs from your own does not make their "plan" any less important or ambitious as yours. 

3. If your first thought at someone's pregnancy announcement is, "what good are you now? We can't have fun anymore!" Chances are, you were never a very good friend to begin with. 

4. If you DO NOT have children and/or have not put a great deal of thought into having them, you DO NOT get to give out unwarranted "advice" or "tips." You just don't.

5. If a new mom is ASKING for advice, please give it...in a way that sounds like a suggestion so as not to offend her and her trials and tribulations as a new mother, and really only give it if you have any experience (even a teeny bit).

6. A new baby does not mean that a new mother will not want to hang out with her friends ever - please still invite her to hang! She is not dead, comatose, or a mute monk. She is still your friend.

7. A new baby does mean that a new mom may not want to see your face for 3 months after birthing said baby. It's not because she doesn't value your friendship, it's because she is tired, unshowered, walking around with her tits out and a baby dangling from them, and she just wants to watch Netflix all day. 

8. If a new mom is excited about her child and posting photos to social media all the time DO NOT write a status such as the following: 

"Seriously, if I see one more photo of a baby that just hiccupped or pooped for the first time, I'm gonna barf. No one cares about your kid like that! It's just as bad as posting a pic of every meal you eat!"

This type of behavior just indicates that you are: 

a. Single 

b. In a relationship with no kids

or 

c. A giant asshole

9. If you don't have anything nice to say (and you want to keep your child-bearing friends around) just smile and nod. A little cooing over baby pics occasionally won't hurt either.

10. Although yes, newly preggers and mothers alike love to be doted on and fussed over to some extent, it DOES NOT mean that it is expected or needed. However, a little excitement when your dear friend honors you with the gift of being a part of their child's life will go a long way in maintaining the friendship. 

The end.

Kisses - H.